The Year of 24

I was 22, about to graduate college, and was about to have my world shattered. Two weeks before I flew to California to begin a road trip home to New Jersey with my sister, I underwent a kidney biopsy as final confirmation of a form of kidney disease. The same disease I now know, had been killing my body since my very first sneeze. I stood on the side of a road, looking out to the Golden Gate Bridge at sunset. I didn’t want to talk, I didn’t want to show anyone I was scared, I didn’t want to tell anyone that I was already 100% sure that my body was failing me. But the sky, the birds, the sand under my feet, it all allowed me to keep my cool. It was to good of a sunset to waste. The first stop on our road trip was the Grand Canyon. We signed up for a sunrise photo tour.

Before my diagnosis, before I gave myself proper time to heal, a one-mile run would turn into a weekend in bed with my body shutting down. Anxiety over my law final had me sick for a week even though I didn’t know why, and a common cold would result in infection after infection until I needed to go to the emergency room. For the year preceding my diagnosis, I was not aloud to go on walks and I was scared to live. But the Grand Canyon changed that. I stood on the edge and watched the sun come up, slow enough that once I had fully examined one portion of the view; something new was there to fixate on- again and again. I decided I wouldn’t be scared anymore, that fear wasn’t worth it. I was scared so I fled New Jersey to hide in my sisters car for a week, yet that brought my to this beautiful place. I didn’t know what else id missed simply because I was scared. I told myself regardless of my diagnosis I would go back. I would make it my point to finish school, heal myself both physically and mentally, and revisit the canyon.

I scheduled lab work with enough time to get my results back the day before my 24th birthday this past May. I will never be perfect, my immune system is broken, my kidneys are damaged, but my mind and body, they both work. They will work as long as I can keep myself healthy and I know health is more than just vitamins. To be healthy one must be happy. I spent my 24th birthday at Watkins Glenn in Upstate New York, surrounded by nine waterfalls with two amazing friends. I went horseback riding, and saw beautiful hills, I ate one of the best burgers I’ve ever had and was able to give two very stressed out women a weekend to relax. I realized more people need to go on walks, and everyone walks for their own reason. I didn’t know why they needed an escape, but I knew why I did. I decided that I didn’t want to escape from my life anymore; I wanted to enjoy it.

I started my year of 24 by going on a walk.