Finding Confidence in the Outdoors

I’ve done a lot of solo hiking this year. As I’ve hiked up long trails to the summit, I’ve considered my motivation for getting outside. Do I do it to post on social media? Do I do it for exercise? While there are a lot of factors for opting outside, I think my drive for outdoor exploration rests mainly on one major motivation: confidence.

Me, channeling "confidence."

Confidence in my body and physical strength was pretty much non-existent during my teenage years. I blame my 7th grade P.E. class in which I was forced to a run a mile in front of my peers. A simple enough task, but I was mortified and felt that the forced run constituted cruel and unusual punishment. I nearly threw up from overexertion and social anxiety, and I vowed to never take a P.E. class again.

Although I loved pirouettes and jazz hands, my physical activity really never left the confines of a dance studio. I remember trying to run on streets by my house as a teenager, but I would immediately stop running the second I heard a car coming -- oh the horror of being seen running! In high school when a bunch of us skipped class to play volleyball, I would watch instead, too embarrassed to play. Better yet, I once went to the climbing gym with a local youth group. Instead of focusing on the rad activity, I focused on the unflattering way the harness hit my legs. Embarrassed by my body, I refused to keep climbing, and demanded to be belayed down. Not my proudest moment, to say the least. 

Utah desert sunsets are the best. 

You get the point. I was a very self-conscious girl who lacked confidence in herself, physically. It wasn’t until I was 20 years old living in Taiwan, eating too much rice and too many Bueno Bars, that I decided I wanted to control my body (the extra thirty pounds I had gained was also a good motivator). Rather than be controlled by fears, I decided to embrace them. I wanted to do things that scared me.

So, I started running. When I reached my goal of running a 5k in under 21 minutes, I was ecstatic. For someone that used to be terrified of running in public, that 5k time was a huge accomplishment. Suddenly I felt I was the number one babe. 

When I got back to the states a few months later, the new found confidence made me eager to try new things. I had always spent time outdoors with my family, but I had never really pushed myself. So, I started spending more time in the mountains and pushed my limits a lot. Was I scared as I looked down super steep terrain, expected to just go for it? You bet. But as I continued to push myself, I couldn’t stop. I spent more and more time outside testing my limits. I started skiing more, hiking more, and I finally tried climbing again. I began to realize that being outside made me my best self. 

Little Wildhorse Canyon

I am no longer inhibited by fear; instead, I’ve channelled that fear into passion and that passion developed confidence.

Being outside can help anyone feel a similar sense of confidence, as there are no superficial distractions or judgements in the outdoors. Mountains don’t care about your looks; rock walls don’t care about your salary; trails don’t care about your career. They just exist. And exploring nature allows you to simply be.

Yeah, I still get embarrassed sometimes when I’m figuring out a boulder problem, and I most definitely still yard sale down some ski runs. But, the difference is that I’m confident enough to keep trying. Now, as I charge down a black diamond, run up a peak, or send a tough boulder problem, I feel a deep sense of satisfaction. I feel strong. I feel confident in who I am.

And that is why I opt outside.