Now Hiring: Full Time Camp Host

Nestled in the foothills of the world renowned Sierra Nevada mountains, Camp Campy Camp is a charming off-the-beaten-path campground located close enough to Yosemite National Park that our marketing materials feature photos of Half Dome with no legal repercussions, but far enough from any tourist destination to be wildly inconvenient for anyone trying to actually spend time in the National Park.

We are seeking a dedicated and enthusiastic full time camp host for the 2021 season, but honestly we’ll take whoever we can get because, let’s face it, you will be comically underpaid for your services and the public expectations for campgrounds have plummeted over the last decade. But hey, you’ll get a place to park your van for free all summer, so read on if that sounds like a good trade!

Qualifications:

Must have ample camping knowledge, a friendly dog (middle-age golden retrievers named Buddy preferred), a bottomless well of fishing stories, kind eyes, a winning personality, and the ability to fix any mechanical/plumbing/electrical/interpersonal issue with only duct tape, WD40, and bailing wire.

Job Duties:

GREET GUESTS & ANSWER QUESTIONS

Guests travel to Camp Campy Camp from far and wide and more often than not arrive in moods ranging from frustrated and exhausted to livid and/or violent. Screaming children are a given, and stressed out adults are commonplace. As camp host, you will be expected to greet every guest with the same level of kindness and enthusiasm they’ve come to expect over the years at Camp Campy Camp, which fortunately for you isn’t much. Mostly you’ll spend your time apologizing for our arcane and outdated check-in process that inexplicably changes year to year. If you can say “I don’t make the rules I just enforce them” you’re well on your way to success.

ENFORCE QUIET HOURS

Speaking of enforcement, quiet hours at Camp Campy Camp are 10pm - 7am. As camp host, one of your main responsibilities is to make the rounds in the evening to remind people to turn off generators and speakers, and bring loud party games to a close. Our guests come to Camp Campy Camp to get a little peace and quiet—you’re paid to help them get what they came for.

If you’d rather not enforce quiet hours, however, that’s fine too. Let the campers fend for themselves. The exhausted family of five paying $45 a night on their one week of vacation for the year can solve their own rowdy-neighbor problems after putting their kids to bed. As the camp host, the bachelor party raging well past midnight on the other side of the campground doesn’t necessarily have to be your problem unless you are personally annoyed by it. In fact, since you’ll be here all summer, we strongly advise you bring along a large RV with enough insulation that you won’t actually be able to hear how loud the rest of the campground is. Like we always say, earplugs are the best quiet-hours enforcers if you simply don’t feel like dealing with confrontation.

CLEAN & RESTOCK BATHROOMS

Okay, “bathrooms” is a bit of a stretch, but “outhouse” didn’t perform well with our SEO ratings so we figured vague optimism was the best approach. As camp host, you’ll be the one taking the brunt of people’s disappointment for the state of our facilities anyway, not us. The good news is the bathrooms are very easy to clean—simply point the supplied fire hose into the concrete room and let it rip! Don’t worry about getting the toilet paper wet, that one-ply Forest Service issued stuff is useless either way. (And no, upgrading the TP for your own site is not reimbursable.)

We run a tight ship here at Camp Campy Camp and only allot enough toilet paper for two rolls of toilet paper per outhouse, even when the campground is full, and even on holiday weekends. Explaining this policy to guests who come to your door seeking additional toilet paper mere hours after you’ve restocked will be part of your daily duties.

TAKE OUT TRASH

While we do have bear-proof garbage cans on the premises, many guests prefer to use the ground or simply don’t know how to operate the latches. As recently stated by a Yosemite National Park Ranger, “There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.” Because of this phenomena, you will be spending substantially more time than necessary cleaning up loose trash, helping guests open the bear-proof containers, and chasing hungry bears out of camp. We hope you like wildlife.

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If Camp Campy Camp sounds like a place you’d like to spend your summer, fax us your resume and we’ll get in touch! Or we won’t—to be frank we’re not even sure our office receives faxes anymore. If you seem like a good fit, your best bet is probably just to come on by and make yourself at home. The camp host stays in site number one.

Firewood is $12 a bundle. Exact change only.

See you soon!